


Find a new way

by syriala



Category: Fatal Journey, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crying, EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, Fatal Journey Fix-It, Fix-It, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nie Zonghui is the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23345629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: Nie Mingjue has never seen a future for himself; always knowing that Baxia would one day overpower him and claim his life, like every other sabre of their family had claimed their wielders’ life before.Nie Mingjue doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with the future his brother and his love are proposing now.
Relationships: Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén/Niè Míngjué, Niè Huáisāng & Niè Míngjué
Comments: 31
Kudos: 321





	Find a new way

**Author's Note:**

> Fatal Journey made my cry like I haven't in a very long time, so of course I had to plot a fix-it just hours later. Coincidentally this also falls together with an ask on Tumblr, where mbbs-world asked for more Nielan.

Nie Mingjue is sitting in his room, staring at Baxia.

It has been quiet for the last few days since the—the incident, but Nie Mingjue knows it won’t stay that way.

Knows it will overpower him again, sooner or later, and he will wake up to a floor littered with bodies. Again.

Nie Mingjue clenches his jaw at that thought, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Baxia.

He hoped to get it under control, to do better than his ancestors, but he’s just as weak and prone to failure as they were. 

Nie Mingjue misses Nie Zonghui. He would have long dragged him out of his room by now, too familiar with his brooding already to let it go on for longer than a few hours. It’s been days already.

But Nie Zonghui is dead and he’s dead because of Nie Mingjue.

The thought of that threatens to overwhelm him, again, and Baxia quivers in its stand.

Nie Mingjue almost dares it to fly out and attack him. That, at least, would be a quick death unlike the qi deviation that’s waiting for him in the not so far future.

A knock at the door startles him, but before Nie Mingjue can decide if he wants to see anyone right now, the door is already pushed open and Lan Xichen steps in.

Nie Mingjue takes in a shuddering breath at his sight and Lan Xichen is at his side a moment later, simply hugging Nie Mingjue close until he feels at least a little bit more composed.

“What are you doing here?” Nie Mingjue asks, face still more pressed into Lan Xichen’s stomach and Lan Xichen leans down to press a kiss to his head.

Nie Mingjue couldn’t even bring himself to put his hair up this morning.

“Nie Huaisang wrote me shortly after you came back,” Lan Xichen says. “I came as quickly as I could.”

“I wish you didn’t,” Nie Mingjue mutters, and pulls away to warily eye Baxia. 

But for now, the sword is still in its stand.

“I don’t want you close when I finally lose to it,” Nie Mingjue goes on and he deliberately doesn’t look at Lan Xichen as he says it, can’t stand the pained look on his face.

“You’re not going to lose to it,” Lan Xichen says, and he sounds so sure. Nie Mingjue wants to believe him, but he knows he can’t.

“It’s getting stronger. Even Clarity did nothing,” Nie Mingjue admits and Lan Xichen frowns at him.

“Nie Huaisang didn’t mention that.”

“I bet he also didn’t mention that I killed most of the disciples that came with us,” Nie Mingjue bitterly says.

“He did not,” Lan Xichen admits and Nie Mingjue huffs out a bitter laugh.

“He said the other sword spirit did it. He wanted to spare me from that. But it’s all coming back,” Nie Mingjue admits and puts a hand to his forehead.

His head has been throbbing ever since he remembered how he cut Nie Zonghui down. Nie Mingjue closes his eyes but that only makes the memory more vivid. 

It’s what he deserves, he supposes.

“Mingjue,” Lan Xichen softly says and Nie Mingjue shakes his head.

“I’m not strong enough, Xichen. I tried to subdue it, to find a solution, but I’m not strong enough. It’s going to take me, too.”

“Not if you let go of it,” Lan Xichen carefully says and Nie Mingjue sharply looks at him.

“Xichen,” he warningly says, because they had this conversation, multiple times already, and it’s not an option.

Lan Xichen knows that.

“Mingjue,” Lan Xichen gives back but he doesn’t seem all that apologetic over what he said. “I mean it. If you let go of it, it can’t take you.”

“I am a Nie,” Nie Mingjue presses out. “We wield sabres.”

“You are the Sect Leader. You could change the ways,” Lan Xichen argues and Nie Mingjue stands up, to pace the length of his room.

“And appear weak in front of the ancestors?” he demands to know and he can tell that Lan Xichen wants to raise his hands in frustration, but of course he doesn’t. 

He is too in control to ever do something as undignified as that.

“How is finding a way to survive weak?” Lan Xichen wants to know. “Mingjue, you’re not the first Nie Leader who tried to find a way around the sabre spirit. Everyone else died. Why do you think it would make you weak if you survived?”

“The sabre is our way!” Nie Mingjue yells out at that, because it’s what his Sect is build upon.

“Then find a new way!” Lan Xichen yells right back and it surprises Nie Mingjue so much that he stops dead in his tracks.

“Find a new way, Mingjue,” Lan Xichen says again, much quieter this time, and Nie Mingjue can hear the pleading note in his voice.

“It’s not that easy,” Nie Mingjue bites out, but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“Yes. Yes, it is literally that easy. Let go of Baxia. I will take it back to the Cloud Recesses and seal it. And you’ll be free of its influence.”

“Baxia is _my_ sword,” Nie Mingjue tries to argue. 

“And it is killing you.”

“Could you do it?” Nie Mingjue wants to know. “If it was Shuoyue, could you do it?”

“If it was threatening my Sect and my family, my brother? Yes,” Lan Xichen says without hesitation. “I would give up the sword to protect them.”

“Huaisang told you?” Nie Mingjue wants to know, and he feels shame curl low in his gut.

He has attacked Nie Huaisang twice in the same amount of days, and he’s not sure if he can ever face him again.

“Yes, he did,” Lan Xichen says. “He’s scared, Mingjue.”

“Of course he is,” Nie Mingjue gets out, because he didn’t expect anything else.

Who wouldn’t be scared of him.

“Not like that,” Lan Xichen immediately says and puts a reassuring hand on Nie Mingjue’s arm. “He’s scared _for_ you. He says the first time Jin Guangyao barely managed to play Clarity in time, and the second time it was only your stubborn will that stopped you. What if that fails you one of these days?”

“It already did,” Nie Mingjue whispers and turns away from Lan Xichen. 

It failed him when he killed Nie Zonghui without hesitating.

“Mingjue, I’m so sorry. I know he was like a brother to you,” Lan Xichen lowly says and Nie Mingjue closes his eyes against the threatening tears.

He will never forgive himself for killing him. For killing all of them, really.

“You should go,” he tells Lan Xichen. “You shouldn’t be here. I’m dangerous,” Nie Mingjue says and pushes Lan Xichen away.

He doesn’t want to be responsible for his death as well.

“It’s not you that’s dangerous,” Lan Xichen argues and stubbornly stays where he is. “It’s Baxia. It’s the spirit.”

“And I can’t let go of it,” Nie Mingjue mutters..

“Why not?” Lan Xichen wants to know and he grabs for Nie Mingjue’s arm again, but this time his grip is strong enough to hurt. “I can’t lose you, Mingjue, and neither can Huaisang. Please don’t make us.”

Nie Mingjue can hear the tears in his voice even though there is no sign of them on Lan Xichen’s face.

“A-Huan,” he whispers and pulls Lan Xichen close. “I’m here,” he reassures him, but Lan Xichen shakes his head.

“But you won’t be for much longer, if you don’t change your way,” he protests and Nie Mingjue sighs.

“It’s the way of the Nies.”

“And it can be,” Lan Xichen says. “It can be the way of your disciples. They are not going to die from it. But you, you have to change it. Please, A-Jue.”

“So you suggest I put my sabre down, but expect everyone else to still practice that technique?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Lan Xichen nods.

“Yes.”

“I would lose their respect.”

“They love you,” Lan Xichen tells him and rests their foreheads together. “We all love you, and we’d rather have you around, alive and well, than to cling to something stupid, something that by now is nothing more than a tradition born out of unwillingness to change.”

“Says the guy with three thousand rules and so much tradition I can’t even wrap my head around,” Nie Mingjue says and sighs when Lan Xichen stares pleadingly at him.

“Do you really want to come out of a deviation one day to find that you killed Huaisang?” Lan Xichen asks him suddenly and Nie Mingjue sucks in a pained breath.

Lan Xichen certainly hits where it hurts.

“Wasn’t it already enough that you killed Zonghui? Does it have to be your brother, too?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Nie Mingjue chokes out, and his eyes burn. “I didn’t mean to do that,” Nie Mingjue says, focuses on this, because despite how much it hurts that he killed his brother in all but blood, it’s better than to imagine Nie Huaisang, broken on the floor, _his_ blood on Baxia.

“And he won’t blame you for it, I’m sure of that,” Lan Xichen says but Nie Mingjue can’t believe him.

Of course Nie Zonghui would blame him. _Should_ blame him, even.

Nie Mingjue tries not to think about how Nie Zonghui would have reacted to all of this, but in truth, he knows his stance.

Nie Zonghui had always pleaded for Nie Mingjue to see reason and to put the sabre down and let the disciples uphold the tradition, so Nie Mingjue could be spared this pain.

Nie Mingjue never listened.

“I doubt he would look with anything but hate at me,” Nie Mingjue mutters.

“That’s not true,” Nie Huaisang suddenly says from the door and Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen reluctantly step away from another. “That’s not true,” Nie Huaisang repeats, “and Xichen-ge can prove it.”

“What?” Nie Mingjue mumbles but Lan Xichen is already nodding.

“I mean, I can try. Not all spirits stick around. Especially not when they don’t have unfinished business.”

“He should want revenge,” Nie Mingjue lowly says. “He will be around.”

Nie Mingjue knows Nie Zonghui’s temperament very well and he always hated injustice. And his death was the most unjust.

“If he is around, then it’s for different reasons,” Lan Xichen says, his voice allowing no argument, and he gets out his guqin, settles down behind it and starts Inquiry without hesitation.

“I called for him specifically,” Lan Xichen explains when he sits behind the guqin, waiting. “But if his ghost is still at the tomb, it can take a while.”

And it does take a while. Long enough for Nie Mingjue to hope that Nie Zonghui passed on without having to linger.

But then a single note is plucked and Lan Xichen looks up at him.

“He’s here.”

“Tell him I’m sorry,” Nie Mingjue immediately rushes out and he falls to his knees in front of the guqin. “Tell him I never meant to hurt him.”

Lan Xichen obediently plucks the notes and he frowns when he gets the answer.

“He says he’s sorry,” Lan Xichen translates for Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang and Nie Mingjue is not too proud to admit that he leans into Nie Huaisang when he sits down next to him.

“What?” Nie Mingjue breathes out.

“Ask him why,” Nie Huaisang suggests and Lan Xichen does.

“For failing you,” he translates the answer again and now Nie Mingjue can’t keep the tears at bay.

Nie Zonghui has never failed Nie Mingjue a day in his life. 

“I should be the one who apologizes,” Nie Mingjue mumbles, his tears dripping hot onto his hands.

“He says there is no need to apologize,” Lan Xichen says after a few notes have been plucked by invisible fingers. “To neither of them.”

“Are the others—?” Nie Huaisang asks when Nie Mingjue’s voice fails him and Lan Xichen nods.

“I do believe they are all here. And they are all apologising to you.”

Nie Mingjue bows low at hearing that. He doesn’t deserve it, and he needs to make sure he properly apologizes to them, gives them the respect he failed to give them in their life.

“Mingjue, they say they love you,” Lan Xichen translates the furious mess of notes that follows. “They stayed around to tell you that you are not at fault. To apologize for not being better and stronger.”

Nie Mingjue is openly sobbing now, because his disciples all deserved a better Leader than him.

“Would they be disappointed if Da-ge put the sabre down?” Nie Huaisang asks and Nie Mingjue turns to look at him from his position low on the ground.

He’s afraid of the answer, and would never have asked the question himself. But Nie Huaisang has always been stronger than he is.

“They encourage you to put it down,” Lan Xichen lowly says and then splays his hands over the guqin. “They want you to live a long life,” he says, and Nie Mingjue knows it’s their final message.

It just makes him cry even harder.

“Da-ge, please,” Nie Huaisang also tries and Nie Mingjue finally comes out of his bow.

“The ancestors—,” he starts but Nie Huaisang doesn’t let him speak.

“They all died,” he bites out. “They all died bloody and horrible deaths and they were weak for not changing their ways. Don’t be like them. Don’t make me lose you like I lost father,” Nie Huaisang mutters.

“Let me take Baxia with me,” Lan Xichen chimes in, and comes around the table to sit on Nie Mingjue’s other side. “Let go of it.”

Nie Mingjue has never seen a future for himself; always knowing that Baxia would one day overpower him and claim his life, like every other sabre of their family had claimed their wielders’ life before.

Nie Mingjue doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with the future his brother and his love are proposing now.

But he knows he can’t disrespect his people’s last wish.

“Okay,” he finally agrees, and despite the many fights he participated in—with enemy soldiers and Baxia—this feels like the hardest thing he ever did.

“Thank you,” Lan Xichen mutters and leans in for a soft kiss, while Nie Huaisang clings to Nie Mingjue’s arm, shaking with his sobs.

“Okay,” Nie Mingjue says again, as he slings his arms around the two people that mean the most to him, and he hopes that his people will forgive him for the change he’s about to bring on them.


End file.
